An Older Man

This is about Testosterone DEFICIENCY AND SELF IMAGE

There is plenty of information on the web about the effects of low testosterone in older men. I am 73 and had pretty bad bowel cancer some 14 years ago and have experienced low T progressively and gradually since that time. This is not the time to boast about my earlier conquests of the opposite sex in early manhood, but I certainly lived a normal healthy life and struggled to be a good faithful husband. I attended an all mail boarding school and, as sometimes happens, my relationships with girls were almost always spoiled or magically intensified  by the desperate desire to go to bed with them. Nice to blame my bad behaviour on excessive testosterone but I do prefer to take some personal responsibility as well.

So how did I cope with some of the side effects resulting from cancer and is it just possible that my experience could make life a bit easier for others in the same boat? Granted, there is lots of professional help and advice on the web and from other medical and psychological sources and I fully appreciate that my ways and my views will not suit everyone. I have, however, learned to cope with lots of difficulties in my head and with a good deal of comfort. There are two elements to my thinking: In the first place, the effects of low T are normally stated in terms of deteriorating manliness. Secondly, there is almost an unwritten and unspoken assumption that such effects are all bad. I will challenge both elements because I have a good self-image and have learned to be OK with myself, my body and my mind, as it is.

So first, what about deteriorating manliness! Yes my sexual drive and penile prowess is not what it was and yes my hairy chest is less hairy. But my attitude to women is very different. I am happy hugging, conversing,sharing deeper knowledge and enjoy their company for what it is rather than for what I can get out of it and this must be a bonus. I now have women as genuine friends and I am learning to understand their needs and views in a way which was previously blocked out for me because of my desires. I can flirt without complications and I have a wonderful wife who wants me as I am. I would not go back to the days of either mental fantasy or actual physical infidelity and the huge disturbances to family life that such antics can cause. Well I might if I could!!! (smile)))  

So now what about the low T effects being all bad//! Well I guess I have answered this one already. For me, there is much good and just a little not so good in my current situation. The good part is that I make less mischief for myself and my family as a low T oldie but the virile male still exists in my brain and fantasies, of course. But the rule ‘fantasise but don’t touch’ is easier now. But I have to test this hypothesis from time to time!!! (Smile)  

Grudgingly, I admit that respect for my own behaviour and respect for women in general has grown and been sustained over the years. 

So now we are just left with the question of having a good self-image. I actually think that, looking back, I had a poor self-image for much of my life. This might well have blighted my career both personally and professionally and been a large component in my poor behaviour towards women. This is by no means unusual and they say that St Augustin was randy in youth and more saintly as he grew older. Fortunately the university of life teaches us to cope and prosper if we learn from it and I have experienced all the traumas of modern life with a good heart: Redundencies, divorce and Cancer etc and am still smiling.

I am not even sure this next bit is relevant but all my life I have had very poor sight. As a youngster, I seemed to be very dependent on others and not able to reach my potential   without special help from parents, the special education system and considerable understanding and provision on the part of employers. Perhaps this could somewhat account for my low self-esteem. If you have such a disability, praise is not easy to accept because there are no clear standards for success. Being kicked about a bit and staying upright and afloat has given rise to confidence which is now well rooted within my psyche. And this takes me back to the business of being able to stand up upright. Oh dear!!! It never seems to go away, this problem for men.

So, chaps with low T, See your Doctor, take the pills, have the expensive operations, boast to your mates and do whatever it takes to keep up the macho image if you like; but there is another way. Just be yourself, enjoy love and care and lots of physical contact without so many erections and ejaculations and you might just find that life is not so bad. There is much conventional wisdom which states that the girls love the older guys. Maybe it’s sometimes because of our money but sometimes it is because of our modified behaviour.

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